Bull in a China Shop

SERVING UP HOT STEAMING PLATES OF CRAP ON THE GOOD DISHES

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

This is tough

Wow. Finding time for this blogging thing isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I have to do my posting at work, because at home I have no time and really can not use the computer there. But, I am wildly busy here at work. The paradox is that I am busy but BORED out of my friggin' mind! So, I am stuck fussing with busy work all day while my brain cells whither from lack of stimulation. Thus the problem with finding time to blog...

I can't blog at home because my husband is recovering from a terrible accident, and it really takes up most of my "extra" time caring for him. He is mostly alone during the day, while I am at work, and for a person as sociable and gregarious as he, it is like a punishment to be trapped at home without company. I, on the other hand, am a lover of solitude and peace. When I have finished my work day, and have talked myself silly with every phone call and visitor with questions, all I desire is quiet. All I want is to be in my home, without the talking and the listening and the relating. I want ME time. That means turning off my brain sometimes, and indulging in "King of The Hill," or "The Simpsons." That means reading a good book, or thumbing mindlessly through a magazine, or listening to music curled up on the couch with my pooch. Yet, this is not possible.

I feel for my husband. I truly do. I would not want to trade places with him, for though there is much (unwanted) quiet in his day, there is also much pain and little comfort. So, I talk when I get home. And I listen and I relate and I try to distract him from his pain. Sometimes he gets angry and he isn't very nice. But I understand where that comes from too. I wish I could help him and take the pain away. And I wish I could get away and relax and recharge without denying him, and without feeling guilty.

That is all for today.


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