Bull in a China Shop


Wednesday, February 09, 2005

This is tough

Wow. Finding time for this blogging thing isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I have to do my posting at work, because at home I have no time and really can not use the computer there. But, I am wildly busy here at work. The paradox is that I am busy but BORED out of my friggin' mind! So, I am stuck fussing with busy work all day while my brain cells whither from lack of stimulation. Thus the problem with finding time to blog...

I can't blog at home because my husband is recovering from a terrible accident, and it really takes up most of my "extra" time caring for him. He is mostly alone during the day, while I am at work, and for a person as sociable and gregarious as he, it is like a punishment to be trapped at home without company. I, on the other hand, am a lover of solitude and peace. When I have finished my work day, and have talked myself silly with every phone call and visitor with questions, all I desire is quiet. All I want is to be in my home, without the talking and the listening and the relating. I want ME time. That means turning off my brain sometimes, and indulging in "King of The Hill," or "The Simpsons." That means reading a good book, or thumbing mindlessly through a magazine, or listening to music curled up on the couch with my pooch. Yet, this is not possible.

I feel for my husband. I truly do. I would not want to trade places with him, for though there is much (unwanted) quiet in his day, there is also much pain and little comfort. So, I talk when I get home. And I listen and I relate and I try to distract him from his pain. Sometimes he gets angry and he isn't very nice. But I understand where that comes from too. I wish I could help him and take the pain away. And I wish I could get away and relax and recharge without denying him, and without feeling guilty.

That is all for today.


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